Monday, April 21, 2014

Monday Musing (31) - At The Bottom (Finding Myself Again Part 10)



He tore me away from everything I knew and was used to, he isolated me from family and friends, made me feel horrible and uncomfortable in my own skin, belittled me, embarrassed me, used me, stole from me. He saw his way in while I was vulnerable, and he tore me to pieces, and so much more.

I was so deep in when the worst of it started I didn't know what to do. I was alone, I was ashamed, I was hurt, I was confused, and I was scared.

At first it was easy to pretend it wasn't happening. It was easy to look past his temper tantrums and attitude. It was easy to pretend he hadn't lost his temper, been a total ass, and decided it was necessary to trash something. At first it was easier not to say anything and clean up his mess, to endure his insults.

And eventually, as I drank more and cared less, it wasn't enough for him to verbally spew his bull. Maybe he knew I was numbing myself from it, maybe he though I couldn't be hurt by those words anymore because I'd heard them so much. Maybe he was just an ass.

It's like it took a turn for the worse, if that was possible.

The controlling started, the random visits at work, being yelled at for wearing make up, being ordered to change clothes. The opinions about everything I did, the comments about the people I worked with, the way I spoke to him, constantly accusing me of cheating (when he himself was cheating).

All these issues he had with me suddenly. Constantly picking fights with me, trying to get me to argue with him. And then the bruises started.


On the shoulder, or the thigh, the back. Places no one would see, that would be covered. It started from being pushed around, shoved into a wall for refusing to change clothes, pushed into the coffee table or door for wearing make up.

It graduated to punches and slaps, things thrown at me. It went from being pushed around to being choked or pined against a wall, or couch. It moved from places that were hidden to the neck, the cheek......... it became harder to hide it, and even harder to reach out for help.

If I spoke out of turn in front of others, he'd punch me in the thigh or arm. If he thought I said something to offend him, or something negative about his daughter (the one he never saw or supported) he'd pin me in a corner by the throat. If he didn't like what I was wearing I was thrown back into the bedroom to change, I was slammed into a wall for answering the door without him there, I was pinned to the bed and had a know held to my throat for letting a friend of his into the apartment while he wasn't there. If I didn't even bother answering him he'd throw a dish at my head, or push the shelving unit into me. He would come to my work and yell at me, verbally accost me in front of everyone.

He punched me in the arms and legs. He choked me. He slapped me around. He flat out abused me. All the while, disappearing for days on end, cheating on me, stealing money from me, getting me evicted from apartments and being the reason I moved 8 times in the course of those 3 years with him, and he got me fired from a few jobs for his behavior.

By the time the rose colored glasses were off, I was so far gone I didn't know what to do. I loss my ability to argue back, to stand up for myself, out of fear it would just get worse. I was utterly lost.

I didn't know what to do. I was ashamed of the situation I was in. I had begged and borrowed from so many people to help make ends meet, to just survive, I didn't know who was left for me to turn to. I was isolated from so many people. I was uncomfortable in my own skin. I felt like an outsider in my own family, never quite really welcome. 

And when I did tell someone, when I reported him to the police, showed them evidence of the trashed apartments and bruises, I was let down even more. Not once was any action taken against him, not once was he reprimanded for his actions, not once was I taken seriously. I was told it was "his word against mine" and "with no witnesses willing to back up your claim" nothing was ever done. I was accused of being depressed, I was accused me being crazy and hurting myself, I was accused of looking for someone to blame. On more than one occasion I was made to believe they thought I needed help, that he had told them I accuse him of these things because he "left" me, and that I hurt myself to try and get him in trouble.  Not once did anyone take me seriously, not once did I get the help and protection I needed, and wanted when it mattered.

And so I kept going back to him. Kept letting him back in, kept accepting his treatment. I stopped fighting, I stopped speaking out, I stopped having a life. I didn't have friends, I didn't go out unless it was with him. I was a shell of what I used to be. I was skittish and jumpy, I was wound tight, and nervous. 

Mostly, I was scared. Scared that it would never end. Scared that I was meant to be with him. Scared that I deserved to be treated so badly. Scared that I believe my life was worth no more than what he made it worth. Scared that I didn't deserve better.

Scared of him.

And I swam there, in my fear, my self loathing, my anxiety, my depression, my confusion; with my booze and my weed. I festered in the hole I had dug myself. I rotted, from the inside out. Because I didn't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I was in HELL and I had finally just given up.

(Continued Next Monday)






Friday, April 18, 2014

Cover Reveal - Hard To Hold On (A Hard Ink Novella) To by Laura Kaye

Laura Kaye is thrilled to share with you the cover to her next Hard Ink book, Hard to Hold On To!
~~~~~

HardToHoldOnTo hires
Title: Hard to Hold On To
Author: Laura Kaye
Genre: Adult, Romance, Contemporary
Publisher: Avon Impulse
Publication Date: August 19. 2014

Synopsis:
Edward "Easy" Cantrell knows better than most the pain of not being able to save those he loves--which is why he is not going to let Jenna Dean out of his sight. He may have just met her, but Jenna's the first person to make him feel alive since that devastating day in the desert more than a year ago. Jenna has never met anyone like Easy. She can't describe how he makes her feel--and not just because he saved her life. No, the stirrings inside her reach far beyond gratitude. As the pair are thrust together while chaos reigns around them, they both know one thing: the things in life most worth having are the hardest to hold on to.
 
Pre-Order
 
 
And don’t miss the other Hard Ink books!
 
~~~~~
 
~~A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR~~
Hey guys!

I am so excited about Easy’s book that I can hardly wait for August to get here! Easy’s character was a total surprise to me. When I initially plotted out the series, there were four surviving members of the Army Special Forces team and therefore I planned for and sold four books in the series.

But then, when I sat down to write Hard As It Gets, all of a sudden the story demanded there were actually five guys, and Edward “Easy” Cantrell was born. And I’m so glad! Because Easy’s character is a totally tortured hero, which I adore writing!

So I’m super happy that we added his story and this novella into the series, and I can’t wait for you to learn about Easy in Hard to Hold On To!

Is it August yet???

xo, Laura
~~~~~

Praise for the Hard Ink Series:
For Hard As You Can:
"TOP PICK! There is a sinister and desperate edge to this tale that will keep readers glued to their seats. Kaye has dark romantic suspense nailed!" ~ RT Book Reviews Magazine

"Hard As You Can is another five star read. The characters Ms. Kaye has created are wonderfully broken and the drama is gritty, but the burgeoning romance and the tight-knitted relationship of the team leaves you with a sense of redemption. A must read series!" ~San Francisco Book Review

For Hard As It Gets:
"Edgy, sexy and full of suspense! A great read from a great new author!" ~ #1 NYT Bestselling Author J.R. Ward "Sizzling romance... The intriguing tattoo parlor and military background will appeal to fans of Suzanne Brockmann and Lindsay McKenna." ~Publishers Weekly Review

"Kaye's depiction of sexual tension and her sex scenes are masterful and this will appeal to fans of Maya Banks' KGI and Julia Ann Walker's Black Knight's series." ~Booklist

~~~~~

~~ABOUT THE AUTHOR~~
Laura-Kaye-cropped Laura is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of over a dozen books in contemporary and paranormal romance. Growing up, Laura’s large extended family believed in the supernatural, and family lore involving angels, ghosts, and evil-eye curses cemented in Laura a life-long fascination with storytelling and all things paranormal. She lives in Maryland with her husband, two daughters, and cute-but-bad dog, and appreciates her view of the Chesapeake Bay every day.   

Find her online
     

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Cover Reveal - Mortal Enchantment by Stacey O'Neale

Today, Stacey O'Neale and Phoenix Reign Publishing are revealing the cover for
MORTAL ENCHANTMENT, releasing on May 20, 2014! I'm exciting to be able to introduce you to the cover to the next book in the
 
Check out the awesome cover and enter to win a $50 Amazon or Barnes & Noble Gift Card!!!
On to the reveal!

“Mortal Enchantment spins a unique twist on elemental mythology. This series is not to be missed.” Jennifer L. Armentrout, #1 New York Times Bestselling Author
 
Mortal Enchantment
Synopsis:
In Kalin Matthew's world, elementals control the forces of nature. They are divided into four courts: air, woodland, fire, and water. At sixteen she will leave the life she's built with her mortal mother. Kalin will move to Avalon to rule with her father—the elemental king of the air court. Along the way, she's attacked by a fire court assassin and saved by Rowan, a swoon-worthy elemental with a questionable past.
 
Worst of all, she learns her father is missing.
To rescue him, Kalin will have to work with a judgmental council and a system of courts too busy accusing each other of deceit to actually be able to help her. But, they aren’t her biggest challenge. With the Midwinter’s Ball only five days away, Kalin must take over her father’s duties, which includes shifting control of the elements—power Kalin has yet to realize.
As Rowan attempts to train her, a war looms between the four courts. If Kalin fails, her father will die and the courts will fall, but the betrayal she’s about to uncover may cost her even more...
  
  
 
The Shadow PrinceIf you haven't read THE SHADOW PRINCE, you can download if NOW for FREE from Amazon and Barnes & Noble!!!
 
Synopsis:
Every sacrifice has consequences. Sixteen-year-old Rowan has spent most of his life living among the mortals—learning to control the element of fire, impatiently awaiting the day his vengeful mother, Queen Prisma, will abdicate her throne.
 
When he finally returns to Avalon for his coronation, his mother insists he must first prove his loyalty to the court by completing a secret mission: Kill Kalin, the half-human, half-elemental daughter of the air court king. Willing to do anything to remove his mother from power, he agrees to sacrifice the halfling. He returns to the mortal world with his best friend, Marcus, determined to kill the princess. But as he devises a plan, he starts to question whether or not he's capable of completing such a heinous task. And what price he will pay if he refuses?
 
Available for FREE on
Also available in PRINT from
 

 ~~ ABOUT THE AUTHOR~~
Photoshoot-21Stacey O'Neale lives in Annapolis, Maryland. When she's not writing, she spends her time fangirling over books, blogging, watching fantasy television shows, cheering for the Baltimore Ravens, and hanging out with her husband and daughter. Her career in publishing started as a blogger-turned-publicist for two successful small publishers. Stacey writes young adult paranormal romance and adult science fiction romance. Her books always include swoon-worthy heroes, snarky heroines, and lots of kissing. Stacey loves hearing from readers. Follow her on Twitter @StaceyONeale, look for her on Facebook, Pinterest, and GoodReads. You can also visit her blog at http://staceyoneale.com/.


~~GIVEAWAY~~
a Rafflecopter giveaway
 
 
Disclaimer:
My Two Cents is not responsible for this giveaway: therefore, My Two Cents takes no responsibility for selecting winner(s), providing the prize(s), providing the cost of shipping and handling fees, or any other costs that may be associated with this giveaway. My Two Cents is simply hosting an entry form, as a means for entering the giveaway which is the responsibility of the Publisher, Editor, and/or Author.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Release Day Blitz - Romance Triple Threat - From Entangled; Bliss

 
Today is release day for three amazing Entangled Bliss titles and I am excited to share them all with you.  There's a little something for everyone this month so read on to find out more about them.
All the digital books are on sale for just $.99 for a limited time so be sure to pick up your copy today before they go back to full price!


Image and Synopsis provided by the publisher
Title: Wild About Her Wingman
Author: Robin Bielman
Publisher: Entangled Bliss
Publication Date: April 14, 2014

Find it online
| Goodreads | Amazon | B&N |
 
Synopsis:
Playing it safe never felt so risky.

Erin Watters is her small town’s resident wild child—she doesn’t do boring, and after having her heart annihilated, she definitely doesn’t do relationships. Her friends have other ideas, though, and when they throw down a matchmaking challenge, impulsive Erin can’t ignore it. Even when the annoyingly hot Troy Strieber accepts the matchmaker role…

As a rescue paramedic, Troy’s used to watching out for people. Never mind the bet he made with his buddy to play Erin’s wingman. But the more time he spends with the sexy, charismatic woman, the more he discovers a side of her she doesn’t let many see. Soon what started as an innocent game of matchmaking has them both thinking about the person right under their nose. But Troy’s a play-it-safe guy, and he won’t let a woman who lives for risk ever steal his heart.
 Follow the blog tour HERE!

Find Robin Online:
 
Image and Synopsis provided by the publisher

Title: Fiancé by Fate
Author: Jennifer Shirk
Publisher: Entangled Bliss
Publication Date: April 14, 2014
 
Find it online
| Goodreads | Amazon | B&N |
 
Synopsis:
Sabrina Cassidy believes in fate. So when her fiancé breaks off their engagement, she’s convinced they’ll get back together eventually. But fate was not on her side when it brought Jack Brenner into her life—and work. Frustrating, gorgeous, and cocky, Jack has an offer that Sabrina can't refuse. Not if it means getting the life she’s always imagined.

Despite being one of the town’s most eligible bachelors, Jack has a reputation that’s working against him. He has to convince his father—and his company’s board—that he’s ready to settle down if he wants a promotion. But convincing Sabrina to be his fake girlfriend turns out to be the easiest part. What he didn’t count on was their intense attraction and how easily their lie would escalate. Sabrina’s still hung up on her ex, and Jack will never settle down. But fate has other ideas…
Follow the blog tour HERE!
 Find Jennifer Online:
| Website | Twitter | Facebook |


 
 


Image and Synopsis provided by the publisher

Title: Resisting the Rancher
Author: Roxanne Snopek
Publisher: Entangled Bliss
Publication Date: April 14, 2014
Find it online
Goodreads | Amazon | B&N |

Synopsis:
She's his best friend's sister, but he's ready to break all the rules…

Country veterinarian Celia Gamble is in trouble. A misunderstanding from her past is rearing its ugly head and the only person she can turn to is Jonah Clarke—her family’s lawyer and, as it turns out, her brother’s best friend and her childhood crush. She always wanted Jonah to see her as a bona fide woman, but as a woman who’s being blackmailed for seducing a married man? Not on her life.

Jonah is happy to help Little CeeCee Gamble, if only she’d come clean about why she’s being blackmailed. But with his best friend Zach’s wedding on the horizon, and Zach’s fashionista fiancée Desiree giving CeeCee a makeover, the little duckling Jonah remembers is turning into a definite swan. And the unwritten law on sisters is clear—hands off. Jonah must resist or lose the only true family he’s ever known.
 
Follow the blog tour HERE! 
 
Find Roxanne Online:
| Website | Twitter | Facebook |


~~GIVEAWAY~~

May all your wishes come true with this small Glass Vial Dandelion seed Make-A-Wish necklace!
Use the Rafflecopter form below to enter now!
GOOD LUCK!
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclaimer:
My Two Cents is not responsible for this giveaway: therefore, My Two Cents takes no responsibility for selecting winner(s), providing the prize(s), providing the cost of shipping and handling fees, or any other costs that may be associated with this giveaway. My Two Cents is simply hosting an entry form, as a means for entering the giveaway which is the responsibility of Entangled: Bliss.